Homesickness While Living Abroad and 5 Coping Skills to Manage it

Living and working abroad these past two years has been a lifestyle change that ranks in my top three decisions I’ve made. I’ve learned (and I’m still learning) all about my simple pleasures and complexities that make up who I am. Over the past few months, one of those aspects was my attachment with where I grew up.

As of August 15th this year (2020), I’ve been in Kuwait for a full year! Side note: I don’t consider Kuwait the nostalgic idea of “home.” Moreover, I consider it to be my home away from home. I have developed an attachment with this country for sure.

Now, I know to some folks a year is too damn long with being physically apart from loved ones. And on the other hand, some folks may be thinking, one year is nothing!

Look, for me, full transparency, a year away from my loved ones is quite long. I’ve been in the annual routine to return home in the summer, June through August, to get my annual dosage of the U.S., Maryland, my home town, my people, and more! I was comfortable being away from home for 9-10 months at a time because I knew that I had 2-3 months to temporarily live there again.

This past year, I took a break from traveling to focus more on paying off my student loans. That blog post is coming soon. I did travel to a neighboring country, Bahrain, for a sports tournament with a team I coach here but aside from that I have not traveled. I was under the impression that I was going to go home and be with my family this summer. LOLLLLLL

Coronavirus. LMAOOOO.

Starting around the end of May when the school year ended I was faced with my reality of staying here. For a few days, I was thinking that I was stuck here. Although I was able to quickly change that negative thought, boy, did it manifest though.

I quickly removed ‘stuck’ from my mindset. I was aware that I was putting that label on my current status. I instead shifted it to I am safe here. However, because I was safe here due to the current global health crisis, I began to long for my home. As the days went on, I kept on thinking, “Oh I should be going to Target.” “I would be driving in my car going nowhere but to just drive.” “I wish I was at home with my family joking with each other.” “My friends and I would’ve scheduled a dinner date or a kickback.” And on and on. Feeling homesick had been fully manifested surprisingly after Kuwait’s 3-week quarantine lockdown. I just wished I was home.

Being homesick is a terrible feeling. When you are physically apart from family and friends or even the scenery and local hot spots you used to frequent is one thing. But when that distance morphs into grief, loss, sadness, or depression, that’s usually a symptom of homesickness. Here’s an outline of the general symptoms of homesickness:

I was definitely homesick. I experienced sadness, withdrawal, avoidance, and nostalgia. I had pockets of these feelings that would overwhelm my morning, nights, or day. I would shake it off for a few days but then I would avoid going outside claiming that “I didn’t want to get the virus” but really because I just didn’t want to leave my apartment. I wouldn’t talk with loved ones out of fear of disturbing them. It was tough.

Enough was enough. I thought to myself, ‘why are you choosing to feel and think this way?’ I was sabotaging my mind by longing for a place thousands of miles away that I could not travel to because of something bigger than me. My self-awareness had always been present but by July, two months of feeling homesick, I activated my awareness to take action. Here are five actions I started and continued to not only cope with homesickness in the present but to manage it for the future.

1. Productivity

With understanding myself, I already knew that being unproductive leads to a drastic decline in my outlook on life. Like always, our school year would end in May and I knew that I would be staying here for the summer. So, I got a job as an online adult ESL teacher. I started working in May and still work with the company to this day. Getting a job allowed me to earn money, use my teaching skills, and continue talking and interacting with people.

For you, find a job that you would enjoy. This job is not so much career related or a “big deal.” It’s more for staying productive and to apply your focus throughout your day to something.

2. Plan for the present

Working the side job over the summer also called for me to be mentally present just as I was physically present. I planned my day; I created a routine for myself. I knew most days I would teach classes so I then managed my bedtime and when I would wake up. Planning for the present undergirded my productivity because I was including myself in different activities that I needed and wanted to do. That daily schedule led to a temporary lifestyle change just for those summer months as I adapted to this new work, life, and quarantine balance. I definitely felt more grounded with having working hours, bedtimes, spa days/self-care days (everyday), social media hours, movie days, trying different recipes, and more all embedded in my daily and weekly routine. Even better, my routine varied every day even though some things remained fixed which was amazing!

Plan for the present to ground your current experience instead of longing for an experience you once had in the past or could have in the future.

3. Open Up and Connect

I had to open up to my family and friends about my current experience, it was absolutely essential. I couldn’t expect them to understand exactly what I was going through but I had to be open to receive their love during this tough time for me. I called my dad one day like usual (we talk like every two days) and I just told him how hard it was to not be home. Man, that felt so good. You know what was better, hearing his encouraging words of love. I told him that I felt too needy. I felt like I was calling him too much. He told me that there’s no such thing as too much during this time. He gave me the green light to keep calling (within reason) when I felt down again.

With my friends, we had a virtual kickback in May where we just all opened up to each other about our current perspective with everything going on. Again, so necessary for me to cope because my own people and I shared similar feelings. To this day, we schedule monthly virtual dates.

Additionally, one of my mentors from grad school connected me to a woman who is also her colleague to develop a personal/professional relationship. I was able to both share my current experience to her while also exploring professional topics as we are both school counselors and counselor educators.

I became more active on Facebook and Instagram connecting with other school counselors. It actually led to me creating this website and blog!

Open up to people you love and trust and connect with more people. It’s better to express yourself rather than guard yourself when experiencing homesickness.

4. Gratitude

You know what, the emotion and mindset of gratitude/feeling grateful further managed my homesickness. I didn’t want to feel homesick while also feeling grateful for my life so far. One would just cancel the other out. Yet, because I was grounding myself back into reality, my mind was clear to remember my ‘why.’

Why did I choose to live abroad? Why did I choose Kuwait? Why did I choose this profession? Why did I choose to stay?

These questions were not rhetorical or philosophical; these questions were rooted in my current existence and therefore answered! My immense gratitude for the answers attached with these questions superseded feeling homesick. I had a better handle on managing it now and for the future.

5. Move my body

I had to move my body! Moving my body felt good to do especially during this tough time. I had to move and I wanted to move! I had experienced tenseness in my upper back and neck area, of course I believe it was linked with being homesick and my stress and anxiety linked with it. I consulted with my physiotherapist and she suggested I add more cardio into my daily routine.

Now, if you know Kuwait, this place is hot as hell in the summertime, whew. By July the heat outside was unbearable for me at any time of the day.

So, I just moved my body inside my apartment. I kind of fell off the exercise routine in May and June. So working out with Instagram and YouTube videos was actually a great activity to add back into my lifestyle. I did HIIT, pilates, yoga, and even danced! LOL. As an alternative form of cardio, I followed routines from hip hop dance workout videos. It felt amazing during and after!

“Move your body girl, makes the fellas go…” Nina Sky, 2004

Mide, MissInterEducation