How to Build Relationships with Students Online

For new school counselors, school counselor interns, or counselors with minimal experience working online and don’t know where to start, I completely empathize with you. The shift from in-person school to online school for the majority of schools around the world is not easy to get comfortable with. A pillar, possibly even the foundation of our work in a school is building a healthy student-counselor relationship with all of our students. Building relationships when uncomfortable...where can we start?

With using my prior experiences doing teletherapy with adolescents, working as an online ESL teacher, and the last semester of the previous school year working online, I’ve compiled 9 methods on how I built and am currently building healthy relationships with my students online.

Below are 9 ways to build relationships with students when the school setting is online or hybrid. Mix and match these methods to fit your style and school setting. Most importantly have fun when doing it!

1. Be a part of their school day or week.

1. Teach an online class or classes on SEL, racial and cultural awareness, or college admissions.

2. Hold workshops for students, parents, or school staff on restorative justice, social justice, or school ‘success’ (success defined by you).

3. Host an after school club

4. Be a guest speaker for subject classes for interdisciplinary teaching with social studies, history, English, creative writing, or more!

2. Schoolwide communication.

1. Send relevant emails to students about any school related subjects such as eLearning experiences, student and parent surveys, and weekly counselor newsletter.

2. You can tag team with your principal, assistant principal, or school counseling department to create a schedule where you have your own school counselor section in school bulletins, newsletters, weekly emails, website for example.

3. Send individual emails to say hello to students.

1. Introduce yourself to your student population if you’re new.

2. Introduce yourself to new students.

3. Reintroduce yourself to students as a whole.

• You can send a class grouping email, for example, 9a, 9b, 9c, to manage the quantity of emails.

• This is usually done in the beginning of the school year to make your first contact.

4. Create your online hub.

1. Such as a website, professional social media page, YouTube channel, TikTok, SnapChat, and more!

2. Talk with your school to ensure you choose the appropriate online resource and you are aware of what to include in your resource. Please follow the rules.

5. Reputable Parent and Guardian Communication and Rapport.

1. The goal is to have your name be a household name. You want your name to be used in a positive light as a go to name that both students and parents say when they need their school related problems solved.

2. This looks like emailing parents in the beginning of the school year to make your name and presence known whether you are new or a current school counselor at your school.

3. Calling parents of any missing forms or reminders.

4. Even being your school’s secretary side-kick in the beginning weeks of school to tag team phone calls or in-person help if you have the time.

6. Online check in form.

1. Implement an online check-in form for students to complete when they want to talk to you privately.

2. Have this form be accessible and available to students as well.

• The school website, your email signature, your Google Classroom, school announcements or great locations to plant your form.

7. Personal identity.

1. Begin developing or continue enhancing your personal identity. This will be the base of your professional identity.

2. You want your students to know who you are authentically every time they interact with you.

3. Additionally, your professional self is not only authentic but consistent with each and every student. Please no favorites, this damages your credibility and reputation in the school.

8. Build your own schemas on each of your students.

1. When you are a new school counselor, rather than listening to the comments of your colleagues about students whether good or bad, have a clean slate for each student.

2. Your effort in building student-counselor relationships will also build your idea of each student. Be in control of how you think and feel about your students. Having someone else control your idea of a student is ineffective and hurtful.

9. Reflect.

1. Reflect on your actions after the first week, month, quarter, semester, year,...heck each day of school!

2. What worked? What can you improve on? What can be removed? Look internally to evaluate how well your relationship building skills are going.

3. Seek peer mentorship or a supervisor to also support your journey if possible.

Take your time to build relationships. It will be challenging in the beginning. Trust the process. What a remarkable yet commonplace phrase, right? Well it’s true.

Some kids will welcome you with open arms immediately. Others will warm up to you gradually. Many will be turtles slowly pacing themselves to establish a counselor-student relationship because they are observing your proactive and reactive behaviors and statements with other students.

There are many ways that we can build relationships with our students online. Share your thoughts by commenting below what methods you have used or plan to use with your students!

Mide, Miss InterEducation